Today, we study the fine poodie art of taking a bath. Now every poodie knows the benefits gleamed from proper skin and fur care, but many 'beans do not. So I, Merlin "The Dude" would like to share this knowledge with you 'beans out there. If I miss anything fellow poodies, please add it in your comments. Now, if you all are ready with you paws....er...hands, lets begin.
Everyone must sit down on your haunches and roll onto one side so you lay slightly off center but balanced so you do not fall over. Starting with your head: wet your paw and swish it over your ears, your eyes, your face, and the top of your head.
Remember to only dampen your paw. You do not want it wringing wet with drool...that is gross and sloppy. Washing is a fine art, in fact, it is considered among the finest relaxing arts to poodies. Now follow through down to your chest and sides. Oops' pick yourselves up and try to balance again. Not everyone gets it on the first try. Now really everyone balance, concentrate and balance. We can't have the class flopping all over the floor like fish out of water.
Keep it up lick, swish, fluff, lick, swish, fluff, until you have that nice washing rhythm going. Oh dear, half of you fell over again.
Back to the beginning. Sit on haunches, roll to the side, balance, raise paw, lick, swish, fluff.
Okay, okay, that's it. Now some of you have it. Keep up the good work. Yes you are getting the fine art of kitty grooming.
Now keep going and let your mind become one with the bath. Zen as you 'beans call it. Focus on nothing but the bath and how it relaxes and soothes your fur and skin.
Now for the final part of peaceful bathing, the toes. You simply cannot forget the toes. Clean in between each toe and chew on the nails to trim and shape the claws. Dirty claws are a sign of a dirty poodie. Plus, claws that are left unprepared are a danger to no one but yourself as my poodie Mom always said. Once cleaned, claws can be sharped to a fine point.
And that my friends in the very basics in the fine art of poodie bathing.
If some of you are wondering. We poodies do not clean the personal parts while doing zen bathing. That is purely functional cleaning and not a part of this class.
Thank you for attending. May you all live long and prosper as my Daddy 'bean says.